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Old 04-20-2015, 01:46 PM   #99
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I'm so glad that you're coping Maggie. I have been following your threads for a while. First crossed your path in the cast Iron cooking thread. Your perseverance in the face of your loss is inspiring. I'm so glad that you didn't throw in the towel and give up. My DW is still working and I am working on getting our 73 Argosy ready to roll when when she retires in a couple of years. In the mean time we do short trips and stay close to home. Best wishes
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Old 04-20-2015, 02:07 PM   #100
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Thank you.

You know, I think that.....outside of the tremendous support of loving friends and family ....what has been most helpful for me in managing this is my own stubborn, indomitable, need to cope and find a way back to the surface with whatever has been served up to me by life. There's been a few things...

I don't know where that came from in me, and soldiering on may not be the best way to manage all things....but it's what I do and I think it has been critical for me in getting thru this.

I also feel.....this pointed out by a dear friend who is approaching her 45th wedding anniversary with her childhood sweetheart.....that a belief in Doug's continued existence on another level, another plane, however you want to phrase it, helps tremendously.

She said she couldn't imagine surviving the loss of a loved one without some belief that their spirit exists....and I do feel that he is somewhere....and that he sometimes drops in for a visit. (He does, I am certain of it.)

That has to make a huge difference, to anyone, and I too can't imagine coping without that belief. We stil co-exist....me here, he now there.

It helps.

And, you do know that what I have gone thru is no different than what millions of other people deal with every single day.....I have just shared it here.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again......can't imagine going thru this without ya.


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Old 04-21-2015, 06:41 AM   #101
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Had the tires rotated and checked by our friendly, local tire place yesterday, then dropped the Interstate off at Peterbilt for a good look-see before leaving later this week to meet our Canada friends in Indiana.

Not due for an oil change, but let them know there was a lot of camping in sand this past winter , so they will be sure to check and replace filters if needed.....I remember once them telling us a filter was full of sand ....that would be the air filter???

I always feel better when it has been road-checked by the pros. Avoiding issues is best, especially for those of us not mechanically inclined.

I sweet-talked a friend at Alumalina....thank you, Greg....into checking tire pressure and topping off my tires before I headed home. Men carry those compressor things. They looked a bit low, and were.

I have a tire guage.....but don't want to use it or fill my own tires. Greg told me any tire place will do this for me, so I will avail myself of one of those periodically when on the road. I'm sure it wouldn't cost much, and is better for mileage and the tires in general, I think.

I have bad knees, and can't squat down on my heels like Doug did....on the ground, on branches in trees for trimming purposes....I have a picture of him squatting on a tree branch, high off the ground, just a few years ago.

Getting down and up four times to check and fill tires is just something I have decided I don't want to do. I could....I don't want to.

I get down on a kneeling pad and empty the tanks. I don't have to do it all, right?

Man-stuff, IMO. It's dirty, it's hard for me, and I'm going to leave it to them.

It is ridiculously chilly here, for the third week in April, but no snow predicted.

Morning blankie-with-coffee weather.


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Old 04-21-2015, 06:53 AM   #102
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If anyone is going to the Pets & Paws rally in Provincetown, MA....wish it were closer....please find Joseph and Gabrielle from NJ and give them hugs from Maggie, please.



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Old 04-21-2015, 06:56 AM   #103
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Credit Cards: FYI: If not using suggest RFID Sleeves or wallet or purse. Three times in last year our cards have been "stolen" by people walking by with a scanner. They can read the chip in the new cards from about two or three feet away I've been told. We now know where and by whom, but does not make it any less irritating. We each have RFID sleeves for our two credit cards, drivers licences as these too can be read as well as our wallet passports.

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Old 04-21-2015, 06:57 AM   #104
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That's a great idea!

Thank you!



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Old 04-21-2015, 12:05 PM   #105
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Maggie, When you go get the tire pressure checked at a tire dealer, get them to fill the tires with nitrogen. It runs cooler, is less prone to leakage, and because there is no oxygen, the rubber on the inside lasts longer. Costs about $10 and well worth the expense.
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Old 04-21-2015, 12:09 PM   #106
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Thank you!

I'll remember that for next time.



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Old 04-21-2015, 12:38 PM   #107
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I met with the advisor who handles my finances last week, and he again recommended that I do a power of attorney....what my attorney says is a "durable power of attorney", which appoints a designee who can make decisions if I am incapacitated.

My attorney says I need one for property and one for health care.

Doug and I had each other designated to make trades on each others accounts, and my son, as well.....but this authorization becomes null and void when the primary account owner is incapacitated, as Doug was instantly, then for three days before being taken off life support.

I was in a bit of a panic, not knowing what was going to happen, fear of huge medical bills, would he need long term care, to be medically transported home for this, etc., etc.

It all turned out okay, but it was an angst that I could have done without at that point, and which could have been avoided if we had set up power of attorney for each other. I would have emptied my own resources, if necessary, but fortunately that was not necessary.

Going to get this taken care of before daughter is home in June, so she is here to sign documents with her brother.

Just a bit of information for y'all who haven't thought of these things....we hadn't, either.


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Old 04-21-2015, 01:58 PM   #108
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Maggie...another document that's often overlooked is a Power of Attorney for Childcare Purposes.

This can be helpful when grandparents look after a child and they may need to get him/her into a doctor or emergency care.
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Old 04-21-2015, 02:18 PM   #109
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Hadn't thought about that one....thanks for that suggestion!

That would be especially helpful when traveling with grandchildren.

I recall from my child welfare days, tho, that in an emergency physicians can treat without parental consent.

That would be an emergency, tho, and after reasonable efforts to contact parents had failed, if I remember correctly.

Would be so much simpler if one carried paperwork with this authority.


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Old 04-21-2015, 02:37 PM   #110
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Maggie, Glad your keeping up with maintenance on vehicles. Something my dad did which made things a lot easier for me. He had my name on his bank account, savings account, and stock brokerage account. I had no idea until his death. One thing about life insurance, once you miss one payment it's null and void. My dad had a head injury and didn't relay anything about life insurance. Not that it mattered at the time, so focused on getting him well. I'm sure the policy holder laugh all the way to the bank. I canceled my life insurance since then. Now I'm worth more alive than dead. My ex used to say the opposite when holding a knife. Lesson learned.......... don't marry into the Italian mob
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Old 04-21-2015, 04:24 PM   #111
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I thought about putting both of my children on everything, and talked with Josh about that. He is another of those long term, cherished relationships...part of the fabric of my life...someone Doug and I trusted completely. He has never steered us wrong.

He recommended against it, because......these things would then become part of my children's assets.

If they divorced, spouse would get half. If there was some kind of liability claim, my assets/also theirs would become caught up in that.

Hopefully there will be no divorce and no liability issues, but it was a good point and I'm going to go with the durable powers of attorney. When I talked with my attorney this morning, he said the same thing, as well.


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Old 04-21-2015, 04:45 PM   #112
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On another note.....

Had a small spat with Peterbilt this afternoon, as I asked for a road check only and to check/replace the filters if necessary.

They did a full oil and filter change, without my knowledge or authorization, and at only 5,000 miles.

I knew this wasn't due, and told them that when I called to schedule, the computer confirming it all.

After some discussion, first on the phone and then in person, getting nowhere, I asked to speak with the service manager, told him I was willing to absorb some of this but not all, etc., etc......he then took the labor charges off and I was agreeable with that.

Peterbilt has serviced the Interstate since day 1, and we have been very happy with them.

This was done overnight, apparently, an error....but still. I shouldn't have to pay for something I didn't need, didn't ask for and didn't authorize.

We sort of met in the middle, and it is okay.

I need a glass of wine. It has been something of a day of agitation.

Wine is good.


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