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Old 10-20-2017, 11:14 AM   #4691
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Hi Paula, and I agree with what you’ve said.

I did my undergraduate internship at an inpatient substance abuse treatment facility, and it started me on a decades long learning experience about 12 Steps, addiction, co-dependency, enabling, etc.

Still, much as one may cognitively “know”, it can be difficult putting principles into practice...with oneself, with friends and with loved ones.

However, put something out here and one will undoubtedly get frank feedback from at least one person.

One of the most difficult tasks in life, in my opinion, is making a commitment to being part of a solution rather than part of the problem...doing your part, in your little corner, every day.

Maggie
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Old 10-20-2017, 11:19 AM   #4692
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A desire to "save" one friend is noble... need to save a parade? Or keep bailing out someone over and over? Then it's time to check oneself into the shop for some serious engine work.
I hear you. The ex-girlfriend I worry about? I've already decided that, if I ever see her again, she will get an earful of "You got yourself into this mess of your own free will. If you want out of it, you already know what you have to do, so do it and quit griping about it. No one else can do it for you, so stop waiting for that to happen."

And I am looking for a new girlfriend so that I'm not available to be her parachute if— not when— she finally decides to bail out of the train wreck that is her present relationship. (Mixed metaphor, I know, but you get the picture.) But I'm in no hurry. I plan to be around for a long time, and I don't need a new romance to help define who I am.
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Old 10-20-2017, 11:24 AM   #4693
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Good for you, Protag, and I always hear good things about EHarmony.

Not for me, dating sites, but I have just met another couple who found each other on EHarmony, and I have a family member who found the love of her life on there.

Be aware, tho, that anyone who has been entrenched in negative cycles cannot flip a switch to change their lives....change is a process, not an event.

First you get out, attach yourself to professionals who can help you, then you begin to relearn how to live your life, step by step, day by day.


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Old 10-20-2017, 11:54 AM   #4694
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Good for you, Protag, and I always hear good things about EHarmony.
Not for me, though. I'm leery of any dating website.

I'm sure that some of my married female friends— especially at church— know of eligible women of good moral character who are single, divorced, or widowed, of compatible age, and willing to be introduced to a guy like me. If I can't find someone based on recommendations from mutual friends, then I'll just go it alone a while longer. I'm in no hurry to become a couple again, and being alone is hardly a fate worse than death.
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Old 10-20-2017, 08:09 PM   #4695
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No projected move-in date yet. No use saying I can't wait, because I have to.

I am in the RV park at Hilltop Lakes tonight. Blackie and I drove down today to check on the house and to see progress in person. The Austin stone is up on the exterior, and I love it. The same stone will surround the fireplace, but they haven't started that yet.

The hangar is nearly done, just waiting for the big front door to be delivered.

Tomorrow will be meetings of two of the pilot's organizations in the area--a chance to socialize with neighbors-to-be. I'll spend Sunday with kids and grands. Monday will probably find me getting sent here and there by my builder. He keeps needing me to pick out this and that.

I'll post pictures when I get home on Tuesday.
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Old 10-21-2017, 05:10 AM   #4696
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Have a great weekend, Mimi.

I remember when the little house was getting to that stage, and I would drag the kids over in the evenings after work...we would walk thru the partially completed rooms to envision what they would be like when completed, and could not wait to get settled into a place of our very own.

I’ll be looking forward to your pictures.

Maggie
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Old 10-21-2017, 10:21 AM   #4697
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Interstate has been emptied, underneath the benches and every other possible nook and cranny have been vacuumed free of dog hair , sand and dust, hiding stink bugs have been routed out, and washable areas...have been washed.

Every removable item is being washed before it goes back out there...being a generally neat and clean person, nothing in my home or Interstate is ever really dirty, but I like things to not only be clean but to smell clean.

I miss Doug every day, but some of the times I miss him most is when I am toiling away at physical things that he always did in the before...like vacuuming under the benches, which must really be done on ones hands and knees.

In my cleaning, I pulled free the bug-out bag from the spot Doug tucked it into before we headed south for our winter trip in early 2014...2 months later, he was dead, and I haven’t touched it since, merely cleaned around it.

Just couldn’t bring myself to do it, and handle all those things his fingers were the last to touch. It’s time, tho, as what good is a bug out bag that hasn’t been updated in 4 years.

Thinking back, I have always thought I had started this thread after the terrible tornadoes that struck Washington Illinois in November 2013, but I had actually started it a month before that event.

http://www.airforums.com/forums/f161...ss-112133.html

I do clearly recall, and have written of this before, that for some months before Doug’s death we had both felt and talked about a visceral sense of change coming, something that would drastically interfere with our travels....we always thought in terms of a natural disaster we could try to prepare for, tho, never the death of one of us.

If it ended tomorrow, it’s been a great ride, baby, he would say, with his wry smile and wink. We knew it was coming, we just didn’t know what IT was.

Thus, the thought of a bug out bag, to grab and carry with as we with Lily in tow fled tornado, flood, earthquake, fire, meteoric disaster, etc. Thinking we would then be as ready as we could be. Not.

The orange identification tag has our names and address on it...in his neat handwriting, which was so much more so than mine.

Sigh. Life.

Maggie
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Old 10-24-2017, 12:43 PM   #4698
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This was in an article that was sent to me, published in Psychology Today...

A bully may utilize one or more of the following methods to inflict harm, while deriving wretched pleasure from the suffering of the victim.

1. Physical bullying. This refers to the use of physical intimidation, threat, harassment and/or harm. Examples of physical bullying include physical attack, simulated violence (such as raising a fist as if to strike, or throwing objects near a person), extortion, date rape, marital rape, domestic violence, sexual harassment at work, personal space violation, physical space entrapment, physical size domination, and numerical domination (ganging up on a victim).

“I had my bully, and it was excruciating. Not only the bully, but the intimidation I felt." — Robert Cormier

2. Tangible/material bullying. Using one’s formal power (i.e. title or position) or material leverage (i.e. financial, informational, or legal) as forms of intimidation, threat, harassment, and/or harm. In these scenarios, the bully uses his or her advantage in stature and/or resources to dominate and control the victim.

“The greater the power, the more dangerous the abuse.” — Edmond Burke

3. Verbal bullying. Threats; shaming; hostile teasing; insults; constant negative judgment and criticism; or racist, sexist, or homophobic language.

“The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as obvious.” ―Lundy Bancroft

4. Passive-aggressive or covert bullying. This is a less frequently mentioned form of bullying, but in some ways it's the most insidious. With many bullies, you can see them coming because they are quick to make their intimidating presence known. A passive-aggressive or covert bully, however, behaves appropriately on the surface, but takes you down with subtlety.

Examples of passive-aggressive and covert bullying include negative gossip, negative joking at someone’s expense, sarcasm, condescending eye contact, facial expression or gestures, mimicking to ridicule, deliberately causing embarrassment and insecurity, the invisible treatment, social exclusion, professional isolation, and deliberately sabotaging someone’s well-being, happiness, and success
"Behind the smile, a hidden knife!" ―Ancient Chinese proverb describing passive-aggressive behavior

5. Cyber bullying. Many types of tangible, verbal, and passive-aggressive behavior mentioned above can be conveyed online via social media, texting, video, email, on-line discussion, and other digital formats. Identity theft is also a form of cyber bullying.

“Cyber bullies…do not need direct physical access to their victims to do unimaginable harm.” ―Anna Maria Chavez

What these five types of bullying have in common is that, when enacted repeatedly, they become patterns of physical, mental, and/or emotional abuse. Unless strong and effective boundaries are established, the bully is likely to repeat and intensify the abuse.

“Someone who hates you normally hates you for one of three reasons: They see you as a threat. They hate themselves. Or they want to be you.” ―Unknown

The most important thing to keep in mind about bullies is that they pick on those whom they perceive as weaker. So, as long as you remain passive and compliant, you make yourself a target. Many bullies are also cowards: When their victims begin to show backbone and stand up for their rights, a bully will often back down. This is true in schoolyards, as well as in domestic and office environments.

“I realized that bullying never has to do with you. It's the bully who's insecure.” —Shay Mitchell

When confronting bullies, be sure to place yourself in a position where you can safely protect yourself, whether it’s standing tall on your own, having other people present as witnesses and support, or keeping a paper trail of the bully’s inappropriate behavior. In cases of physical, verbal, or emotional abuse, consult with counseling, legal representation, law enforcement, or administrative professionals. It’s important to stand up to bullies—and you don’t have to do it alone.
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Old 10-24-2017, 12:49 PM   #4699
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------------snip----------------


Thus, the thought of a bug out bag, to grab and carry with as we with Lily in tow fled tornado, flood, earthquake, fire, meteoric disaster, etc. Thinking we would then be as ready as we could be. Not.



Maggie
I know it's not easy, but bug-out bags really need to be gone through and checked/updated at least once a year. Batteries, food, and water in them can and does expire, so it is a good idea to inventory and update it. Paperwork such as Lily's rabies shot record and other details may be out of date as well...

Hang in there, and try to enjoy the good memories anew!
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Old 10-24-2017, 01:07 PM   #4700
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Thanks, rmkrum...I do know these should be checked and updated annually, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it before now.

And, actually, it hasn’t been done “now”, as the bag is sitting here in my living room, looking at me, daring me to deal with it.

I carry Lily’s shot records in my hard copy “Home book” along with emergency contact information, medical information, etc.

I would hopefully remember to grab this with my wallet, meds, Contact lens stuff, etc., if we actually had to “bug out”...although we did bug out to a bathhouse in a torrential rainstorm and tornado presence this past year...and I grabbed my purse and cell phone but nothing else.

I need a note, by the door.

Maggie
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Old 10-24-2017, 01:15 PM   #4701
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42 and raining today....so glad I decided not to go camping.

A good day for the first fire in the woodstove of the season.
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Old 10-24-2017, 01:18 PM   #4702
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We even set up out a bit of a bug out bag in a hotel room.

My purse or travel tote is packed with keys, I'd, jewelry and shoes right next to it. Phone if used as an alarm is on top of it if not inside. Always keep tops and bottoms in or on the pile too. Dont want to naked on the news .

Know which way emergency stairs are too.

Never been accused of being too prepared. But also doubt I'll ever be able to just grab my person driving to the sunset.
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Old 10-24-2017, 01:24 PM   #4703
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Those are good ideas, and thanks.

I’ve brought the bag in, which is a start....I need to get the 4 year old, vacuum sealed bags of dog food out of there, also energy bars and whatever other perishables were put in place.

I will do it, this week.


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Old 10-25-2017, 05:30 AM   #4704
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House!

As promised, here are the pics of the house with the Austin stone installed. It passed the second inspection yesterday, so we're well underway. Insulation and sheet rock come next, and I have to choose interior paint colors.
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