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Old 06-01-2017, 05:58 AM   #4271
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Hi Jane.

I spent yesterday morning removing and hauling to concrete the landscape timbers around the house and garden....til my shoulders ached, and I put off the far back til today.

The annual family "do" is Saturday...now at my son's ...so time to do some shopping and cooking for that, winding the week down.

The elderly gentleman I have mentioned, now in a nursing home, refuses to eat or drink enough to sustain himself properly, and sometimes refuses to take his medication. He is slowly starving and dehydrating himself to death.

Some days he won't get out of bed, or let anyone do anything for him, other days he's calling friends and family, believing he is someplace he is not and surrounded by people who aren't actually there.

I feel badly for him, and his family trying to manage him...as well as the wake of financial destruction he had gotten himself into before deteriorating to the point that he couldn't care for himself...and decision making was removed.

This is apparently pretty common with dementia...judgment is impaired in all areas, but ones inherent right to self determination prevents intervention against ones will until they are actually circling the drain.

And, that's the way it should be...but what a mess.

Maggie
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Old 06-01-2017, 06:18 AM   #4272
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I forgot to put my "sitting" pillow up when I went to bed last night....Lily is snuggled up, sleeping in.
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Old 06-01-2017, 07:43 AM   #4273
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Maggie; don't work so hard, you won't have time to make cookies; ummmmm!
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Old 06-01-2017, 07:48 AM   #4274
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I am of a mind that some elderly people want to die and know it is time; it's their families who insist all be done to keep them alive.
Paula
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Old 06-01-2017, 08:11 AM   #4275
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Airtandem View Post
Maggie; don't work so hard, you won't have time to make cookies; ummmmm!
Ohhh, I will bring cookies...thinking Molasses Crinkles.

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Old 06-01-2017, 08:19 AM   #4276
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Originally Posted by pienjim View Post
I am of a mind that some elderly people want to die and know it is time; it's their families who insist all be done to keep them alive.
Paula
I believe that, too, Paula, and have wondered that about this particular man.

If he's decided it's time to die, tho, he doesn't appear to be committed to it.

There is a DNR in place, and comfort measures only, so the family isn't trying or planning any extreme efforts. The lack of interest in eating and drinking even when alert and talking seems to be part stubbornness...he doesn't like what he is served, nor brought, nor is he willing or able to will himself to eat and drink...and also perhaps part of the dementia.

I also suspect he is very depressed.

I am sad for this man, and for his family....especially in contrast to the 94 year old grandmother I have just visited, whose family is able to care for her at home...encouraging her to eat and drink, tending to her needs as if she were a child. And, it's working.

We're all going to die or get old.

What awaits us individually, if we grow old, depends on lots of different factors.

Maggie
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Old 06-01-2017, 08:20 AM   #4277
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a form that one should have made is called "ADVANCED DIRECTIVES" this is one where the person makes ALL their wishes made known so that if questions come up, (ie. do not resuscitate) one knows what to do.
Usually the social worker at a hospital or nursing home etc. can help in writing this. The form or copy is than kept in the frig or freezer in a
RED container so family or emergency personnel can find it.
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Old 06-01-2017, 08:22 AM   #4278
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Yes.
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Old 06-01-2017, 10:52 AM   #4279
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I have a poor rating for Most nursing homes, and this was proven to me time and time again, as I visited so many folks for their medical management. Nursing homes usually employ mostly "AIDES" who are poorly trained and paid little, and have minimal supervision. Therefore, patients are treated bad, sometimes abusively. Most of the "caregivers" give little care or compassion. The food served? My dog would refuse it!

My opinion....nursing homes are where old folks go to die a usually slow and miserable, lonely death.

My daughter has promised to never consider a nursing home for me. Nursing care and support at home is my preference, and this is in my will. I will leave my home feet first and cold! I don't blame the poor man....I blame the system!
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Old 06-01-2017, 11:08 AM   #4280
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I agree with you, completely, Evelyn.

I know there are good caregivers in nursing homes, also some not so good, as with any profession.

Being all on one floor in a small house, my hope is that I can go a very long time on my own...and then caregivers could come to me when/if that time comes.

Sigh. Life.


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Old 06-02-2017, 10:37 AM   #4281
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FYI Oregon allows RN's to run small nursing homes in regular houses, for up to 5 residents I believe. We used one years ago and it worked out great. There may be other states that do this as well. Nice to know that if living at home is not possible, there are some good and humane options. Oh, also, the costs were about 1/3 to 1/2 of a regular NY nursing home.
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Old 06-02-2017, 11:53 AM   #4282
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That's a good sounding option, Peter, tho I have never heard of those around here. Oregon is a bit more progressive, in some areas...

My rug arrived yesterday, and it is perfect in my new living area...the color very true to the picture, a soft and muted red, with cream.

I love it, and now there is soft underfoot when sitting at the desk or chair.

Got the little house cleaned this morning, made potato salad and frog-eye salad for the family gig tomorrow, got my hair cut...a Jenny-cut, Doug would say...and picked up the Interstate from Cummins Crosspoint.

I had them do a basic road check, also scrape down and re-caulk the roof. When they got to the Fantastic Fan Vent, they discovered the wooden spacers (original) beneath the Vent framework were rotted out, and all but two screws on the entire structure were gone.

11 years old, probably past time for the spacers to be replaced...and, telling me that the roof should be looked at every year, whether re-caulking is needed or not.

Made these Edisto-shell candles for my neighbors who are moving....humongous shells, brought to me by a fellow camper from the inlet that is 1 1/2 miles or so up the beach from the campground.

I made a couple for Gerard and Laura, too....shhhh, don't tell them, it's a surprise.

Then treated Lily and I to frozen yogurt...because, we deserved it...opened the windows and the sun roof, and off we went.

Done for awhile, chocolate chip cookie dough still to be made...

Maggie
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Old 06-02-2017, 02:32 PM   #4283
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Hi there... I believe they call them adult foster homes.... yes, a good idea for sure.... I love your candles Maggie!!... keep having fun!! Hugs and love from the progressive state of Oregon!!
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Old 06-02-2017, 02:50 PM   #4284
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Hi Gail.

We have adult foster homes for the disabled here, that provide respite care for caregiver families, but not for people needing nursing home care...that I have ever heard of, nor was mentioned when this family was looking for a spot for the family member.

My neighbors loved the candles, and they have bought a house on Tybee Island, so shell candles were the thing to do, in my opinion.

They've been good neighbors.


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