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Lily&Me · 07-24-2015, 07:14 PM

Thank you, Channing.

I just wish it would STOP.

Maggie

ColoradoLady · 07-24-2015, 07:52 PM

Oh Maggie, my prayers and my heart goes out to you as you worry over the children. We won't need to know details, just knowing there is a need is plenty. My dtr, Debbie and I send up our prayers and will dedicate our rosaries to you, the children, and their parents.

This may give encouragement, I hope: When my youngest daughter, Lynn died of breast cancer,she left behind, 2 of her own daughters... An 11 year old, of a prior marriage, and a 6 year old of this marriage. The Dad doted on the 6 year old, but, the 11 year old daughter was more or less ignored in her grief, used as a housekeeper and babysitter for the little sister. You can imagine the stress created on an 11 yr old girl, as she tried to grieve her loss, while being forced into an adult role. The Dad even removed all the portraits of Lynn...said it made him sad, and he "had to move on!"

We were forbidden to call the girls, as he said, we were no longer family. These babies were left at that! The little one could only remember her Mom as sick in bed, then, gone. After a while , the older girl fell apart,rebelled, ran away, ran into trouble, dropped out of school. Of course this escalated over time. The first I learned of it was when the Dad called me months later to tell me if she showed up at my house, I was welcome to see if I could "do anything."
She eventually showed up at my door...hardly the same child I knew before...angry, hellbènt on self destruction. I tried to help pick up the pieces, but, by this time, she was too resistant, and wild...she had been on the run several months. She stayed about a month, ran off when I was at work. She eventually went back to Durango, but,not back home. She lived with friends, spiraled down some more, then began calling me for support, occasionally, then frequently.

She pulled herself up, went back to school, graduated, worked hard to rehabilitate herself and make amends for her mistakes, sought education to improve her life, met a nice fellow, married, now has 2 children, and manages a chain best western motel. Takes great pride in her accomplishments, is a terrific Mom and wife, and a loving granddaughter.

She even managed to find it in her heart to forgive her stepdad and move forward in that relationship as part of her family. (I Don't know that I could have been so gracious..) she and her sister have bonded and are very close. She is very close with me and Debbie., calls regularly, tells us how much she loves and needs us, and we of course reciprocate. She is very strong and confident, I'm sure, a product of the difficulties she experienced.

A long story, the moral of which is: given a loving strong and supportive family member or two, along with loads of prayers, children are more resilient than we expect. She also had some good friends who served as on site role models. We live 350 miles apart, separated by miles of mountain driving. I am sure your little ones will not have such trials as did these little ones. I gather that you are in close proximity to them, and that the divisiveness of a self entered stepdad is not part of their equation.

Maggie, any chance you get...hold these little ones close, give them the physical love, strength and support that is a part of you...you'll pull them through this, for you are a strong confident role model. God's Bessings on all of you! Evelyn.

Lily&Me · 07-24-2015, 07:56 PM

Thank you, Evelyn.

I just can't write about it all, but the prayers are needed.

Maggie

ColoradoLady · 07-24-2015, 08:10 PM

My dear Maggie,
Those prayers and rosaries are on the way! Take comfort in Doug's spirit, (ever close by), your own strength, and God's grace! God bless you! Evelyn.

Lily&Me · 07-25-2015, 06:34 AM

Thank you.

Everything seems better the next day.

I have to remind myself that I cannot fix all things.

Creating order out of chaos seems to be hard-wired in me, and I have to talk to myself at times to let go.

My mantra needs to be "just because it is bad does not mean that I can...or should....fix it". I really hurt for children in bad situations.

The oldest of this group has just turned 18, is heading to community college and is choosing to move out on his own, which is good in many ways.

I can help him a bit, and he will have lots of grandparent support from the others. He's a good boy, and should be okay.

This is a pretty little city park on a lake, $20 per night.

Going to finish up Kansas today, cross Iowa, and visit the cemetery before seeing Doug's mom in the morning.

Maggie

Lily&Me · 07-25-2015, 09:27 AM

Doug's mom was released yesterday, is back in the hospital this morning, bleeding from an unknown source. She has not had all diagnostic testing available, due to the stress of the preps. Is having another transfusion.

Sometimes, it just rains.

Am in Nebraska and following the old Oregon Trail today, and also found diesel for $2.44/gal.

Maggie

DIR1 · 07-25-2015, 10:18 AM

my thoughts are with you and yours... hugs and love to you, gail

Lily&Me · 07-25-2015, 11:02 AM

Thank you, Gail.

Maggie

Gearheart · 07-25-2015, 12:34 PM

May God give wisdom to know what you can do, strength to accept what you can't do, and wine to help deal with it.

Lily&Me · 07-25-2015, 12:54 PM

Yes.

Maggie

ColoradoLady · 07-25-2015, 01:24 PM

Maggie, bless your heart! It does seem that when it rains, it pours, doesn't it? I wonder...is she on blood thinners? Too much leads to serious problems. We will add her to. Our prayers.

I sense from reading so much of your postings....that perhaps you may. Be a woman who tends to take charge? I do understand that role...as I too have that trait. Present a problem....I think I MUST solve it...just can't help myself...it's in my DNA!

That does add stress to our lives. I am a caregiver by nature, which lead me into nursing for 46 years. But, I was taught that God has a role for each of us, and will provide what we need...no matter how many struggles we face....and HE has. We just need to listen and HE will give the strength and ability to do what is needed. I have no doubt...you will rise to the occasion. Your courage and strength and faith will fortify you and the family. God bless. Evelyn.

ColoradoLady · 07-25-2015, 01:48 PM

BTW, I just saw posting by Gearheart...so true. One addition, though....a really GOOD wine!! and lots of HUGS!! Evelyn.

Msmoto · 07-25-2015, 02:48 PM

Maggie,

Although I do not have any of the real life problems you are facing currently, I certainly have had and anticipate more issues over which I simply cannot choose an outcome.

My standby prayer is of course known to many....

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

And, I say this more than once daily in one form or another....

Thinking of you....

Love ya' Tommie

Gearheart · 07-25-2015, 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ColoradoLady

BTW, I just saw posting by Gearheart...so true. One addition, though....a really GOOD wine!! and lots of HUGS!! Evelyn.

Of course. Life is too short to drink poor wine, or beer for that matter.

Lily&Me · 07-25-2015, 05:09 PM

Thanks, all.

I am a take charge kind of person....stemmed from single parenthood of two at a young age, I believe. We parents know that if the parent(s) are not in charge, one of the children will be. I did my best, and have wonderful adult children, so apparently did at least some things well.

I am also a caregiver by nature, and had a career where I was given major messes. My job was to sort things out, figure out what was going on, create order and a plan for resolution......and then insure to the best of my ability that the plan was carried out.

Yep. That was me, and I did it well, but haven't really left my task-oriented nature behind.

I do better letting go than I used to, but there is always that firm self discussion needed.

I miss having my husband to hash things thru with.

It is hard, and I must mightily resist the drive........to create order out of any chaos that comes my way. This mess involves grands, and I cannot fix it.

Doug's mom is not on blood thinners, actually on very little medication at all for a woman nearing 100. I will see her in the morning. Just had a text from SD that they are going to do a colonoscopy tomorrow. I hate for her to go thru that, but they can't just let her bleed to death.

Lily and I have had a very long day.

Kansas to Nebraska to Missouri to Iowa, across swollen rivers, in and amongst very happy corn and soybean fields, and thru detours for a bridge out on the Skunk river. An extra dose of Iowa gravel road dust on the Interstate today.

Are now parked at the cemetery, where Lily has had a good romp, and will stay here tonight. Found a brand new, extra large roll of paper towels had disgorged itself onto the floor while we were driving.

Doug's rose bush is alive and doing very well. Have trimmed it a bit and tidied things up around his grave....widow things.

They were mowing when I pulled in, gave a nod but otherwise paid me no mind, and I settled myself under my usual tree. The benefits of small, old, rural cemeteries.

My first trip out in the Interstate after Doug died last year was here, for Memorial Day weekend.

Having a larger than usual glass of my favorite Riesling.

Maggie

Gearheart · 07-25-2015, 05:35 PM

Prost.

DIR1 · 07-26-2015, 09:35 AM

your selfie from Chaco had me smiling all day...thx!!!

Lily&Me · 07-26-2015, 11:45 AM

Thanks, Gail. You may never see another.

Saw Doug's mom this am, she looks wonderful and is in great spirits. Can't hardly understand what the fuss is about, as she feels fine, but understands they must to something to address the bleeding.

An amazing woman.

She recognized me immediately and seemed genuinely glad to see me.

Colonoscopy is in the am, Doug's sister and daughter are with her, and I am on my way home.

Maggie