A Different Life II

[Lily&Me]

How sweet, and thank you!

4 years ago today...rest in peace, honey.


Lily and I took our final walk into the Jackson Square area of the Quarter this morning...which was mobbed with tourists on a Monday morning, which then prevented a last cafe au lait from the Cafe du Monde.

Standing in line for 20 or more minutes for a coffee just is unappealing, to me.

I had been looking for a print, one that touched my heart, and saw this one this today, so snatched it up.

Kind of impressionistic, old fashioned, reminiscent of times past, etc. Perfect.

We will head for home in the morning, and it’s been a good trip. My eyes have filled with tears many times, but then that’s all a part of why we’re here.

“Fun” is not the right word, but it has been “enjoyable”, and good to get away...and, I got to spend time with the very sweet Julie again, as well as meet Protagonist.

Maggie

[rmkrum]

Sometimes refreshing memories can make those memories stronger and even more cherished.

[Lily&Me]

True, rmkrum.


I am very proud of myself...driving in, around, and back out of NOLA without a scratch or mishap of any sort...including getting out of the city and onto I55 north early this morning.

In the old days, Doug would have done all the driving, me cringing at the heavy traffic and narrow roads from my side of the car.

Sigh.

We got off 55 mid morning, picked up a cup of freshly brewed Community Coffee, and took 51 on up and into Memphis, through the small towns and piney woods of the Mississippi Delta.

Redbud, tulip and other flowering trees are in bloom, and purple wisteria grows wild...also blooming. Spring in the South...gorgeous.

Lots of standing water in various places, with long legged birds aplenty...at one point, a great blue heron flew low and directly in front of my car.

Not only was my mother from Greenwood, and Doug and I thru here many times, I made a number of work related trips to the Jackson area, placing small children who would otherwise linger in our unstable system with grandparents down here.

I remember them vividly, some of my best work.

A lot of our families had roots in Mississippi, migrating north toward places they knew friends and family to be, in search of better jobs and a better life. If you have never read “The Warmth of Other Suns”, it is an excellent and revealing look at a particular cross-section of America.

One special “save”, just a few months before we retired, was of an 8 month old boy whose mother had committed a heinous act that was going to lock her up for many, many years.

Waiting to be arrested, she secured her child with a trusted person and called her Grandma...in Mississippi...to come get him. Grandma did, and by the time the State was involved he could not be found.

There were some vile others who were unhappy she had “hidden him”...no, she made a responsible plan for what she knew would be long term care, IMO.

They sought to retrieve the baby, and place him in our foster care system.

Most importantly, there were those who wanted to punish the mother (by taking her child from family) for a) her heinous act, and b) for pre-emptively securing him with his grandparents, where the State couldn’t find him.

The abbreviated end result...the child’s attorney and I worked together, and temporary custody was given not to the State but to the with-impeccable-credentials grandparents.

One child, saved from the system... by a couple of determined advocates and a judge who could see what was happening...and did the right thing.

Some of the memories, going thru my head today, driving thru rural Mississippi.

Home tomorrow.

Maggie

[Ken Wood]

Hi, I am a new member who just ordered a basecamp, the salesman rambled on about used, resale value. How true is this?
Ken

[Lily&Me]

You might ask that question in a thread on Base Camps?

Like this one...

http://www.airforums.com/forums/f404...it-176717.html


Maggie

[Lily&Me]

We are home, and I have seriously cried off and on not only the entire trip, but particularly this last, two day drive.

I was pulling the last of the things in from the car, and turned to locate the cardinal...Doug’s bird, you know...that I could hear loudly and persistently proclaiming something.

It was in the neighbor’s tree by my fence, the brilliant red male staring straight at me, singing his little heart out.

Doug welcoming me home, perhaps, saying “good job, honey”.

I don’t know of a stage of grief called “resolution”, but that’s the word that comes to mind and what I think I’m in. Sigh.


I am going to dewinterize as soon as it seems feasible, and take a little trip in the Interstate...because, I’m ready.

Maggie

[Hittenstiehl]

What a FULL trip you've been on. Much more than just traveling but a journey of the heart also.

Even though we typically hear about the 5 stages of grief:
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

Or the 7 stages:
Shock & Denial
Pain & Guilt
Anger & Bargaining
Depression, Reflections, Loneliness
The Upward Turn
Reconstruction & Working Thru
Acceptance & Hope

Grief is not typical, not completed in a timeline and usually never goes away. Acute grief mostly softens over time, allowing the survivors to get on with living.

In the years that you been writing about your journey I'm firmly convinced that this has helped many people in ways that will never be known.

(Rant or Hijack done) 😚

[Lily&Me]

Yes, Hittenstiehl.

I keep writing this thread because of the encouragement I get to do so.

It’s an outlet for me, a place to compose thoughts and feelings into words, and if those words then help others, well than what could be better.

I like the idea of it being a lighthouse for those who will eventually strike the same rocks.

Maggie

[Lily&Me]

Thinking about this trip to NOLA, a beloved place of ours that we visited about two dozen times, I know that going was in large part about choosing to finally face the flood of emotion that was certain to come.

I can’t say I felt strong enough to do it, but that it was a necessary step...like returning to Edisto and visiting the memorial bench at the hospital.

If you want to make these places of the past a part of your new life, there has to be that first.

It is natural and hard wired in us, to want to avoid emotionally flooding places, activities, situations, even people ...regardless the origin of the trauma attached to them.

Avoidance is protective and insulating and about pacing oneself, lest if you revisit too soon becoming a puddle wherever one is at.

We can’t do it all at once, so we take ourselves in hand and do it a step at a time...changing course as our new needs dictate.

I needed and wanted to go back, not only to face the feelings being there would bring but in order to again experience a place we both loved....and now I have some me-only memories of that beautiful place...not to replace, but to supplement and build on in the future.

I knew that he and we would be everywhere down there...now it will be me in the shadow of the we, when I go back. And, I will.

Reclaiming our lives after devastating loss. It’s what we do, a step at a time.

Maggie

[mimiandrews]

Your writing has definitely been a good thing for me.

[Lily&Me]

Thanks, Mimi...and by the way, I’ve been pining a bit for some beach camping at Padre Island National Seashore.

Maybe by the time I get down there, you will be able to join me.

If you’ve never been, it is pretty spectacular, and was a place Doug loved that I also haven’t been back to...we were actually there just a month or so before he died.

Hmmmm?

Maggie

[ColoradoLady]

Hi Maggie. Reading your recent "memories trip", witnessing your catharsis of emotion, we all, who have experienced such heartrendering expressions of grief and recovery, share with you. Journaling is a very effective way to deal with such grief, and may well be of value to those who read and share...giving the journey a concrete nature, upon which to draw strength to move forward.

When my daughter, my precious Lynn, was diagnosed with breast cancer, the devastation was palpable, throughout our entire family, the grief so horrid, that it was near intolerable. With her ultimate death, it appeared to be unsurvivable. But, one does what one needs to...deal with it ...one step, one day at a time. For me, my faith was the underpinning that gave me the strength and courage to move forward. Journaling was the tool that gave it an openness and a cathartic route to display the emotion, alone, in my home, pouring out the grief, tears, emotion....seemingly by the "buckets"!

I lived alone, at that time, and faced it all in that same time. God gave me the stamina and strength and the tools to deal with the grief in my alone state. In the end, my journal became a full book, then, it turned to poetry, or a form, thereof. I keep the book and the volumes of poetry....reread them on occasion, relive the tart pain a little...then, count my blessings that allowed me to come out the other side....somewhat intact. One does as one needs to. I never considered publishing, as the grief is entirely too personal. I have shared with some few others, on a personal level, and that was enough.

Your writings are of extreme value to all who have or will follow in your emotional footsteps, Maggie. You are good at it. We all thank you for your courage to share here. God bless you.

[mimiandrews]

I've been to Port Aransas, though it was back when I was in college. Padre Island National Seashore sounds like it would be fun. If you decide to head that way, please let me know. Maybe we can meet there, or maybe we can meet on your way there if my moving process has me trapped.

I've been using my Airstream a lot lately as a place to stay while checking on the building processes of the house and hangar, but haven't done any "camping" just to be out there and enjoy Nature. I'm overdue!

Hope I can make good my intentions to make it to the Hill Country Rally for the third time. That's been fun the last two years, and it's at the height of wildflower season in one of my favorite parts of the state.

We just found out that the flooring people set the floor in my kitchen a bit too high for my dishwasher to be installed correctly under the countertop. Building a house is such fun sometimes. :-(

I think our language should have a punctuation mark that is the opposite of this one!!!!! I guess emoticons would serve the purpose. Maybe I should learn to use them.

[Lily&Me]

I think you would enjoy camping on the beach there, Mimi, if we can get it done.

It’s too late in the Spring to be thinking about this any time soon this year, but maybe in the fall?

Once the heat has passed in Texas.

We’ll talk.

Maggie

[Lily&Me]

As I add supplements to my daily medications, my am and pm piles have outgrown my already large-ish box.

I like to set them all out, a week at a time, rather than getting into innumerable bottles every day.

I picked up this one today, meant for a two-week travel supply, but it will be weekly for me.

[Lily&Me]

Lily has been scratching herself a lot in recent days, and when I brush her a sort of white debris comes to the surface of her black fur...a contact dermatitis, I diagnosed, from something she encountered on this trip.

So, I sort of tricked her into the bathroom this morning and strong armed her into the bathtub, for a scrub with a “soothing oatmeal bath”.

She was delighted , but I think she feels better already...I also gave her a Benadryl.


Cherry pie, cobbler, etc., were Doug’s favorite, and I always baked...or bought, when we were traveling...him a cherry pie for his February birthday every year.

I’ve been feeling like I need to be baking a cherry something, so found this recipe and paid a ridiculous price for 5lbs of frozen cherries to make it to take to my sons tomorrow. I like to double the fruit filling on these things...lots of fruit, just a thin layer of crumble...yum.


I have noticed an upturn in my feelings the last couple of days, and think the trip to NOLA was, in fact, cathartic for me.

There were lots and lots of tears, but they seem to have suddenly stopped, and no longer linger just beneath the surface as they have been the last couple of months. Facing it has been good.


I want to say again how much I appreciate the support here, including those who reach out privately to offer comfort, caring and encouragement.

You know who you are, and thank you.

Maggie

Cherry Crumble

Prep time: 20 mins Cook time: 45 mins Total time: 1 hour 5 mins
This cherry crumble is like a cherry pie without the fuss. EASY. The crumbly crisp almond topping is a perfect match to those juicy plump cherries.
Author: Natasha of NatashasKitchen.com
Skill Level: Easy
Cost To Make: Varies by Season
Serving: 8
Ingredients

For the Filling:

¼ cup all-purpose flour
¼ cup granulated sugar
2½ lbs fresh or frozen sweet cherries, pitted
2 Tbsp fresh lemon juice (from ½ lemon)
½ tsp vanilla extract
For the Topping:

1 cup all-purpose flour
¼ cup granulated sugar
⅓ cup light brown sugar, packed
⅛ tsp salt
8 Tbsp (1 stick) cold, unsalted butter, diced
½ cup quick cooking oats
1 cup sliced almonds, divided
Whipped cream or vanilla ice cream to serve, optional
Instructions

Prep: Preheat oven to 350˚F. Pit Cherries.

For the Cherry Filling:

In a small bowl, stir together ¼ cup flour and ¼ cup sugar.
In a medium bowl, toss cherries with 2 Tbsp lemon juice and ½ tsp vanilla. Sprinkle the top with your flour/sugar mixture and stir to evenly coat cherries. Transfer cherries to a 9x13 or 9x12 baking dish.
For the Topping:

In the bowl of a food processor fitted with a steel blade, combine: 1 cup flour, ¼ cup granulated sugar, ⅓ cup brown sugar, and ⅛ tsp salt. Pulse to combine. Add 1 stick diced cold butter and pulse until butter is pea-sized.
Transfer mixture to a medium bowl, add ½ cup oats and use your hands to make large crumbs, rubbing the mixture between your fingers. Add ½ cup shaved almonds and toss to combine.
Spread the crumble topping evenly over the cherries and sprinkle on the second ½ cup sliced almonds. Bake uncovered at 350˚F for 45 minutes, or until almonds are golden brown and cherry juices are bubbling at the edges. Let crumble cool at least 15 minutes before serving; cherry juices will thicken as it cools.

Notes
If you are making it with frozen cherries, make sure to defrost them completely or crumble will need to bake a little longer.
Copyright © 2015 Natasha's Kitchen

[Lily&Me]

The Cherry Crumble was delicious, and the kids all had seconds.

I didn’t take a picture, because the cherry juices boiled over and onto the sides of my white baking dish.

Doug would be eating the Crumble leftovers for breakfast.


Maggie

[Lily&Me]

I had an MRI/MRA last Thursday, to rule out any lurking somethings in my brain which could cause another hemorrhage...the test which was very difficult for my highly claustrophobic self, but my son held my hand throughout the hour long procedure, and I got thru it. Yikes.

Saw my neurologist this morning, who pronounced the imaging results free of anything that could reach out and grab me at a later time, which was a big relief.

My small hemorrhage was just one of those odd things, brought on by the blood thinners and the rapid movement of my head and neck as I frantically tried to get the soap out of my eye. I am so fortunate it wasn’t any worse.

Just the slightest bit of disparity to the exteme left of my vision field remains, better every day, and I am officially discharged from neurology.

I am now free to go and do, minus any reasonable fear of a recurrence.


Fortunately, this event happened at home, rather than miles away, but it’s time to make some preparations for any future problems with my not-getting-any-younger self.

I have an ICE app on my phone, but to access that information someone would first have to get into my phone.

I ordered these for my wallet today, from Amazon, and the pet window stickers that include a wallet card with information for Lily...emergency contact names/numbers for both of us.

I’m also considering getting her a new name tag with emergency contact information added to the back, in case she is separated from me for some reason.

Lily is not a dog who would wander off, but one never knows what disaster might befall.

My biggest fear is that something will happen to me, particularly when traveling, and she would be without care because no one knows she is there, in the Interstate. I can’t bear the thought.

One must do what one can.

[SSquared]

Good news on your test results!

The emergency info looks like a good idea.

As for emergency info on phone, the phone makers are getting smarter. On my new phone, the screen that lets you call 911 with the phone locked also has a button for displaying ICE information. This allows you to display as much medical info as you want, and multiple contacts. Of course, you choose what info gets shown--you enter it separately from your regular contacts, etc.

The catch is, most people don't know to look for this info. We can hope the word is being passed around the emergency responder community. (And Maggie, since your thread is so popular, now the Airforums world knows, too.)

[Lily&Me]

Thank you, SSquared, I’ll have to look into that...rather, have my son do it.

Maggie