A Different Life II

[Lily&Me]

Been a day of running... to Peoria this morning for an appt, and I resumed volunteer work this afternoon....rather than despair at home all alone, Lily spent the day with my son.

Getting estimates on my rock border tomorrow and Wednesday, then resume needlework group Thursday afternoon, so going to be a busy week.

But, that's okay.

Hail and severe thunderstorm traveling thru Central Illinois, but it looks like it's going to pass north of us....don't need huge hail in my new car.

I have noticed that, home all of three weeks, I'm starting to look forward to getting out in the Interstate again.

A slow news day at the little house.

Maggie

[Lily&Me]

Another slow news day...picked up my taxes, got a rock border estimate, another run to Peoria...little car is getting its sea legs.

Lily looked at me so forlornly when I headed out early this afternoon, that I packed her a container of water and took her with me.

Opened the moon roof a crack, and she was a very happy girl, just to be able to go along.

She had to wait in the car for me, but didn't seem to care.

Sweet baby.

Maggie

[Lily&Me]

I like this one, too....I like best people who are real.

[DIR1]

Hi Maggie... I like the before and after one..now I have to find the novel... slow days for news out here too... not complaining!!! At least it's not raining today!! A thing to be grateful for... I'm counting gratefuls and blessings.... just cause... keep having fun!!! I want a new car too!!!! Hugs and love to the two of you... be happy!!

[Lily&Me]

A puttering day, inside and put, and another estimate on my rock border...beautiful, sunny and low 70's, perfect for anything.

Got out the hose and scrubbed my front porch....new house letters are due to be delivered tomorrow.

Nothing too exciting going on here...

On another note....I know a handful of people dealing currently with aging parents, siblings, etc., who have greater or lesser degrees of dementia and impaired abilities to care for themselves.

What a difficult and challenging period of life.

No one wants to give up their independence, so they are falling, failing to eat and drink adequately, putting other family members in the position of having to assert dependence onto their family member, like it or not.

They can't safely live alone, but don't want to be in assisted living...they're still driving, some of them, and how safe is that.

I didn't have to deal with that with my parents, for several reasons, but seem to be surrounded by friends and family right now who are dealing with it.

Insisting loved ones give up their home, taking car keys, getting involved in medical care and other life decisions....hard.

Maggie

[Lotus54]

My dad is 96 and after a stroke needed to live in 'assisted living'.
He liked living in his own place (been there since the 50's) and driving. But he could see that he just couldn't do it at that time. I think he still had hopes of moving back, but he just can't do everything.
I can't be his full time caretaker- but I'm over there every day, a couple times a day and also get to Dr appts etc.

It gets to him sometimes, but I talk to him about how it could be way worse. He has been pretty lucky-not many get to be independent and live that long.

Mark

[Lily&Me]

Yes, Doug's Mother was like that....died a week before her 98th birthday, and had lived on her own until just one year prior to that.

Until that last year, she still drove the mile into town every day, for one thing or another, and probably could have done it with her eyes closed....navigating by the feel of the road.

Sort of a "bridge" period of life...one foot in independence, one foot not.


Maggie

[paiceman]

What we see in our weekly visits to nursing homes with our two therapy dogs is many of the folks living there have few if any visits from loved ones after the first month or so, except on special holidays. Many have no family members nearby, which makes it hard on everyone. Some patients simply do not know, others do. Most are left to the staff and a few volunteers to be their outside contacts. The dogs stimulate most residents both physically and mentally, but in reality the staff get more out of the dogs than many residents do.

Bud

[Lily&Me]

A busy day, and returned to Needlework group this afternoon....I so enjoy those ladies, and it was good to see them.

My new house letters arrived this morning, so I got the old ones off and the new ones nailed in place...while on a step stool ...without difficulty.

I like them.

Returning with Lily from her walk yesterday, I had an interesting conversation with a 20-something mother in a duplex up the street.

A hand lettered sign at the curb proclaimed "Kids Playing Here. Slow Down. Hit One and You Die."

I've spoken with her several times this past year they've lived there, and once snagged her toddler as he ran from her and past me, so I knocked on the door and asked her had there been a problem.

She said cars come down the street too fast, her 3 year old plays in the driveway but isn't good about staying there, and sometimes is in the street.

Personally, I haven't noticed speeding on our block long street, but at any speed a vehicle could be deadly for a 3 year old.

I suggested maybe he shouldn't play in the driveway if he won't stay there, and she said "well, where else are they going to play?"....umm, the big back yard, where there is no traffic.

We went back and forth a few times, she firmly reiterating that drivers need to be careful, she can't keep him in the driveway, etc., etc., me gently encouraging her to explore other options for a 3 year old...who not only doesn't mind but also needs to be supervised, wherever he is.

She kept insisting that if a car hit her son, it would be the driver's fault, regardless, so I finally played the this-is-what-I-used-to-do-for-a-living card.

Unless the laws have changed, and I am pretty sure they haven't, it would come back on her if her 3 year old is outside unsupervised, runs into the street and is hit by a car...is what I told her.

Even if supervised, if he doesn't mind and runs into the street....it could be really serious, and on several levels.

She paid attention to that.

I hated to play that card, but it seemed needed. Yikes.

I noticed this morning that the sign was gone.

Maggie

[rmkrum]

Maggie,

If you lived a bit closer, I would come by and loan you my "Clue Bat".

It started life as a 3 foot long piece of 4x4 pine, and is nicely turned with a custom fit to my hands double grip. My buddy suggested using it in a flat trajectory at high velocity to adjust 'thinking' or the lack of evidence of it...

It's mostly used to 'adjust' clueless computer users in my profession, but I'm sure it could be useful to you...just a thought...

Seriously, as a parent of 4 successful kids, and a veritable mob of grandchildren, that one sounds rather clueless to me...sigh.

[Lily&Me]

Yeah, wielding a baseball bat is not my style, tho knowing I live just up the street may help adjust her behavior...if not her thinking...a bit.

If behavior changes, thought often follows.

I'm sure she will be less friendly now, but my calling the police or a report in on her would be much less friendly....and, of course, the goal is to keep the child safe.


Maggie

[Al and Missy]

Maggie,
We had a neighbor a few years back who placed small orange cones in the street and a "children at play" sign nearby. Those children grew to be teens while feeling entitled to do whatever they wished.

Upon entering our subdivision there is a 90 degree gentle turn in the road in which parked cars often block a drivers view of the road ahead. One day when I was returning home from work, one of these entitled kids was actually lying down in the street just past a parked vehicle. Had I not been slowed well below the 20 mph speed limit, or had another vehicle been coming in the opposite direction, I could have run over this child almost before I saw him.

I called the police and reported the incident. Within 30 minutes there was a police car at the home and the kids never played in the street again.

Al

[Lily&Me]

Hi Al!

In 32 years, there have been poorly supervised children in the buildings up the street a few times before, one family many years ago....before Doug and I were married...a mother that he and I both spoke to.

I distinctly remember telling this woman that I was a caseworker living at one end of the street, and there was a child abuse investigator at the other. She was unphased.

They eventually had the authorities called on them, and we both gave witness statements to efforts and admonishments made.

All you can do is all you can do.

Maggie

[mimiandrews]

Bravo Maggie! Clueless parents need to be adjusted.

[Gearheart]

Maggie, I think you have it backwards. It is almost always necessary to change the way people think before they'll change the way they do stuff.

[Lily&Me]

Well, I have to respectfully disagree with that, Gerard, but then we come from different backgrounds and career paths so it is fairly predictable we would not agree.

The State necessarily requires do-and-not-do for certain parental behaviors for families we become involved with, while working for the change in thought-and-thinking-process which would hopefully reflect the internalized, long term change that allows problems to be determined "resolved".

For some people, only the threat of consequences keeps them this side of the line, and I suspect that may be the case with this young mother tolerating her 3 year old getting into the street...while expecting drivers on this street to be sure to avoid him under threat of "you die".

I mean, really.

I suspect it was a self serving rationalization, hopefully one she will now leave behind, keeping her child safe...the end goal.

Maggie

[OTRA15]

Well said about do-and-not-do behaviors. Unfortunately in the younger generation of parents, the word "no" is often a foreign concept. Not sure if this line from The Fantastiks will make sense without further comment, but . . .

"Never tear down the wall . . . "

[Lily&Me]

Hmm, I've never seen that musical, tho am very familiar with some of its tunes.

I googled the quote, but can't find much of an explanation.

Maggie

[OTRA15]

A great show! Hard to explain . . . but here goes a short version . . . memory challenged here . . . probably going to lose something in the recounting . . .

Basic theme is a love story between the daughter of one older man, and the neighboring son of another older man. There is a fence between their properties which makes socializing difficult. After many melodramas and mis-hits, the younger couple falls in love, and one Dad suggests tearing down the wall, to help their relationship blossom and mature.

The other Dad says . . . [Edit -- "Always leave the wall" -- El Gayo at 1:40:07] -- because having to overcome the obstacle of the wall was part and parcel of why the couple coupled.

Memory shot! Summary above spotty and inconsistent. The Wall statement is at 1:40:07, right at the end.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yrNbk2meKJA

PS not the best production or voices. FWIW. Saw the original off Broadway in the early 60's with Jerry Orbach as a young actor.

[Lily&Me]

That makes sense.

I notice those kids are playing in the back yard today.

Little house is cleaned, Lily and I made a trip to look at for-borders rock, I've rearranged/tidied my woodpile, hauled out the fire pit and Adirondack chair for the patio.

I'm feeling full of energy, and rather driven to get things done right now, so am capitalizing on that, as soon it will be warm and humid and I will feel much less energetic.

My dear niece has arranged for pickup in May of my grandparents antique dining room furniture...which I am giving to her, as my children don't want it and I need the space when the grands are here that this massive oak takes up.

Beautiful, two pieces made by my Dida, and it will be in good hands with her.

She who co-parents her nephews and niece her mother has guardianship of...four generations now living together in one home.

I love those people.

I will follow the truck up with the Interstate, spend the night and we will have a little celebration.

Going to replace the oak at some point with a small and inexpensive drop leaf, with some storage bench seating, and I won't then cringe every time one of the grands squeezes by that china cabinet...still with its original, 110 year old glass.

Life goes on...

Maggie