I soldier on, trying to be and go and do much as before, and I'm doing pretty well, darn it, but a fully functioning widow's life is still very much a work in progress.
It was a nice getaway, very relaxing, lovely campground, a bit of poking around at things I enjoy....but, unless walking Lily or riding my bike, when at the campground I was inside reading or crocheting. My door was open 6-8", enough for fresh air but not so much that Lily could dart outside and intimidate passing dogs.
Much like sitting in a restaurant by myself, sitting outside alone at a campground feels like I have stepped onto another planet, and so I have avoided doing it unless I am there with people I know.
I didn't even take a chair with me this weekend.
Doug and I would set up our chairs outside the Interstate within reaching distance of each other. We would hold hands and sip our coffee, or one of us would lay our hand on the arm of the other. Not every second, but often
. It is just so odd
to have that vacant space where his chair once was....like the empty space across the table in a restaurant.
A lovely couple about my age were across the road from me this weekend. Dave and Lorraine, cohabitating happily as many seniors seem to do, sans marriage. He divorced, she a widow of 5 years, in their very first motorhome they bought rather on impulse and have been out in a week. Heading to Colorado and having a great time. We chatted here and there over several days, as you do with friendly neighbors at campgrounds.
As I headed out to walk Lily yesterday afternoon, he teased me about spending so much time inside, so we three sat and talked some about that piece of my new life I am resisting. He got it, she got it. He said "I have a heart for widows....I worked for widows, and understand them."
Sweet man, who found himself a nice widow woman he seems very comfortable with....so much so that they have set out traveling together.
I'm happy for them, and enjoyed visiting with them.....but my
husband is gone
, and I'm still adjusting, is the truth. Some things you can't avoid, as they are those activities of daily living. The things I can put off, and do one at a time, when I'm ready, I just do.
I've begun listening to music on the radio in the car, still haven't put a CD in since Doug died. I will, one of these days.
As I said goodbye to Dave and Lorraine this morning....sitting at their campfire, drinking their coffee.....he said "Maggie.....you need to sit outside."
I told him I would work on that. Nice, kind, people.
Kindness missionaries encouraging a still-adjusting widow to step out of her comfort zone.