There's a reason I have hardly listened to music since Doug died....because it dredges up feelings, emotion, sadness and loss.
I know it, and I avoid it, because meting out the pain incrementally by avoiding certain things is a survival mechanism, and surviving is what I do.
Late this morning, after putting away and putting up to pull out, doing up all the laundry and bedding, dumping the tanks, and refilling the fresh water, I stopped at the grocer in town to pick up a few things....as soon as I stepped inside, on the piped in music was a song we danced to many times, bringing tears to my eyes.
Our marriage and relationship weren't perfect, as certainly neither he nor I was perfect...but it was pretty darned good
, and the profound sense of loss of him and us
lingers close, still, with emotion and tears just below the surface, always.
Some days a bit closer than others, and today is one of those days. Life. Sigh.
Miss Lily woke me up this morning, sitting very close to me, leaning in and giving a low "woof".
One of those "I want something" woofs, ears perked and tail twitching.
I asked her if she needed to go outside...her tail wagged furiously, so up I got, turning the flame on under the coffee pot as I headed to the door.
I'm thinking she needs to go potty
, but she stepped outside and right back in, then sits with her tail wagging expectantly.
She wanted her tiny treat and chew bone, which she associates with her first trip outside in the morning...not with going potty, which is how that started.
It was starting to get light out, so it was time.
. I wasn't awake yet, so she decided to get me up.
We are settled into the campground in town for the next two nights. Nothing exciting, but beggars can't be choosers, and it has all the basics, plus a few TV channels, which I have to say I have missed.
I especially like starting and ending my day with the news, and NBC comes in clear as a bell here. I will like that.
Clothes to put away, pillows and comforter to dress...Lily is crashed on the couch, after spending her morning monitoring my ready-to-go activities and any dog who walked near.
Going to have an early glass of wine today...because, I deserve