Suppliers of various home services seem to have a trend going these days, sending the same person for whatever routine and non-routine service is needed, and I like that.
The woman who serviced my 20 year old Trane last week is back this morning to repair the pipe that burst by the back yards' faucet over the winter.
We call each other by our first names, I fix her a glass of iced tea which she is not afraid to drink, and Lily knows not to eat her when she comes into the house
....known entities are so often preferable to unknown, and I choose them whenever I can.
They become fabric of our lives relationships...these people who do close and personal things for you and/or in your home, and always do a bit extra because they want to keep your business. I like.
It evolves, too, from living in the same place for 30 years, and I suspect will become even more important as I get older and stay in this house hopefully til my last, dying breath.
Things will break, things will go wrong, familiar faces and entities will come to take care of them. A good thing.
4 or 5 years ago, Doug went to Gunsite for a week one fall, while Lily and & stayed in a lovely county park near Chattanooga, TN. While he was off fine-tuning his weaponry skills, I picked up a tenor ukulele at a local shop and taught myself how to play.
Having played piano and then flute growing up, I still retained some of the rudimentaries of music education, and had played guitar back in the late 60's/early 70's...when everyone
played the guitar...so it wasn't too difficult to pick this up, and I enjoyed being able to create tunes to music I loved.
I never so much played
that ukulele as played with
it, but I enjoyed it...tho I haven't touched it since Doug died.
Now, a string has popped, so I'm going to take it in to get it replaced....and start fiddling with it again. It's time.
I know that my resistance to listening to our CD's...the very sound track of our lives together... has been to avoid the flood of emotion that will
come from hearing tunes we listened to early in our relationship, while at beloved places, while travling the country together, cleaning the house, cuddled on the couch, dancing in the kitchen
.. music brings memories which bring feelings which I am still grappling with.
If I don't tap into those feelings, I stay on top of it, soldiering on, carving out a life without my partner of 27 years. When I am in the feelings, it is the pain and grief and loss I am still coming to terms with.
I avoid so that I may pace myself.
But, I'm going to open that door a crack, get the string on the ukulele fixed, and begin to play a bit.
It's time, and my fingers are wanting it.