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Old 03-11-2016, 06:24 PM   #1989
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Originally Posted by Lily&Me View Post
The sentiment is the same, and that's what matters, doesn't it. Thank you for giving it words.

March 9th was the day he was stricken, and basically died as he never regained consciousness.

I haven't had to write and say the date of his death so many times this past year, or have a memorial bench engraved, or deal with medical bills with an end date of March 12, 2014....I'm feeling a bit chagrined, but refusing to beat myself up over mourning, remembering and thinking of him with love and gratitude...early.


On another note, the 3 small children missing, then found, have apparently been in child services custody/foster care since found and while the investigation into the incident is pending....that seems an appropriate response, to me, given their ages.

Someone was asleep at the switch.


Maggie
Obviously your heart knew he was already gone despite the paperwork. Remembering him on the ninth seems more appropriate to me.

I'm happy catch up on your travels and glad your trip has been as grand as expected. Hope your next will also be fruitful. Take care Maggie.
Carol
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Old 03-11-2016, 06:26 PM   #1990
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I believe that Doug cashed out on the 9th and it took his body until the 12th to figure out that it was over. Both dates are valid. My father had a massive stroke and never regained consciousness. It took 5 days for the body to figure out that he was gone. (he was a tough old bird)
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Old 03-11-2016, 07:16 PM   #1991
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Y'all are so sweet, and thank you.

You know, my only regret during that time was that he never regained consciousness, I never got to look him in the eye, tell him I loved him one last time, and goodbye.

He knew I loved and appreciated him, we shared that with each other every day, and I had no guilt for words and love unspoken.

But, I wish we could have said goodbye. It tore my heart out for the longest time.

For over a year after, I had persistent, recurring images of us standing, hugging, snuggling in each other's necks....one of those really good hugs...always in the Interstate, always in the same place, just inside the door. I couldn't get it out of my head.

We were touchers and huggers, but this was always in the same place, always exactly the same. And, it was dark.

Last spring, I had this epiphany that Doug was sending that image to me...telling me that we did say goodbye, that he held me when I cried that night on March 12th, when I went into the Interstate to go to bed and saw his tennis shoes still sitting there where he had taken them off on March 9th.

He died shortly after 5 pm, the girls and I talked for awhile and then got some dinner, so it would have been 8:30-9:00 pm...dark.

I burst into tears when I saw those shoes, and just stood there, sobbing.

I believe he was trying to tell me that he held me while I cried that night.

Once I realized that, I stopped having those images in my head, and the wish that we could have said goodbye lessened. He was telling me that we had.

Maybe there's a reason my mind backed this all up 3 days. I don't know right now, maybe I will figure it out.

I did find that almost perfect heart shaped piece of shell today pretty wild, and that I happened on it just as all this emotion was going thru me.

Sigh. Life.


Maggie
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Old 03-11-2016, 07:47 PM   #1992
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Maggie, your poignant musings are understandable. As discussed before...there is no right or wrong...no time table. I believe our loved ones linger for as long and as often as they determine that we need them. Perhaps he isn't finished yet.

Lynn still makes an occasional visit to her sister, Deb...as Deb still has lingering issues from time to time...regarding Lynn and their brother Rick. She seems to know I'm no longer in need as is Deb.

It appears to me that the departed may have a differing idea of our needs, than we realize.
It is a mystery, indeed. Blessings. Evelyn.
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Old 03-11-2016, 08:00 PM   #1993
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Maggie,

Haven't followed all of your posts, you've been a busy lady. But saw something in the preview that caught me eye and I read several above posts.

Let me just send you a hug from the edge of my backyard campfire here in SC tonight.

Gary

Your cast iron friend.
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Old 03-11-2016, 08:01 PM   #1994
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Maggie, the unconscious still can maintain the ability to hear...(one of the last senses to leave...) and they can also be aware of presence of loved ones...even though their body is unable to react.

And that heart shaped shell?....sent to you at a time you truly needed it. Even though you have done all the hard work of grief and survival, events, memories, anniversaries...all can bring the pain of grief flooding back, a part of humanity and our frailty. Keeping in mind that you are consistently drawn back to those places that were so special to you both. Doug is still telling you, "honey, I'm still here...for as long as you need me". He is not finished in his mission. Embrace and hold it all to your heart.
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Old 03-11-2016, 08:16 PM   #1995
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Thanks, folks.

I can't talk about this any more tonight

M
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Old 03-11-2016, 09:36 PM   #1996
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I had a friend at work who survived a near-death experience. He told us that he heard every word the doctors said and knew everything they did during the time he was medically dead.

I'm sure Doug heard you say good-bye.
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Old 03-12-2016, 06:17 AM   #1997
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My mind played quite a trick on me, these past few days, but I'm going to believe there was a reason for it and not hold any hard feelings against it.

Every time I look at that little shell heart, I will remember Doug, Edisto and this particular anniversary. I might have it put into a necklace, or something I can keep close to me..

I've been thinking I need to develop an area in my little house for "Edisto Colors"....the sea, the sand, the shades of cream, pink, orange, brown, tan and deep blues of the shells here.

Some of them, the colors are... so...beautiful...that I want to surround myself with them, climb inside and make a nest.

I must find a spot, and a medium, to reflect this beloved place back at me from afar, every time I look at it...paint a wall, buy some pillows...something.

Jane is bringing her big pup and coming down today. I am delighted to spend more time with her.

We will visit, we will walk our dogs on the beach, and we will have lunch at McConkeys Jungle Shack....Doug's favorite of the few restaurants here, and where I have not yet been this trip.

And, today, March 12th, is the second anniversary of Doug's death.

I've already gone thru my stuff, and I will remember this one.


Maggie
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Old 03-12-2016, 06:22 AM   #1998
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I believe Doug heard me and felt me, too, Mimi, and that he stayed with me, at my side, at the hospital, then all the way home and at least thru his funeral.

It was not having one moment of awareness that I agonized over, but I've let that go and realized this was best for him.

Sigh.


Maggie
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Old 03-12-2016, 11:55 AM   #1999
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A virtual hug to you today. I'll bring a real one to Wyoming.
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Old 03-12-2016, 01:23 PM   #2000
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Maggie and Lily---
Be sure to tell Beacon you've been in sand area with salt spray and you want top and undercarriage washed also, will really help protect from corrosion.
Also be sure to ask them to use Rain-X on your Interstate, living at the beach I've found it has been doing a great job of helping to protect the finish.
Look forward to seeing you in August. Ed and Jan
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Old 03-12-2016, 02:01 PM   #2001
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Thanks for the virtual hugs....I live life hug-deprived these days.

And for the cleaning tip, Ed. All Blue Beacons don't have undercarriage washes, but if this one does not I will ask them to do it by hand.

Jane brought her husband this morning, and both golden retrievers, and we had a grand time on the beach, then got carryout from McConkeys and had a picnic outside. Lovely.

Nice, nice people, and so generous with their time to come visit me. I loved it.

Will pack up and leave here in the morning, and am already missing this place....but looking forward to washing and de-sanding most of my clothing as well as the Interstate. There is grit on and in everything.

I'll be back next year.


Maggie
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Old 03-12-2016, 05:31 PM   #2002
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A rose and another "across the miles" hug for you today.
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